


Larry-oke 9: Growing Older, but not Up

by SRassier



Series: Larry-oke [9]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Humor, It's the Hargreeves' world, Karaoke, Larry is just living in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25811902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SRassier/pseuds/SRassier
Summary: A surprise guest comes to Larry-oke, Five's man-ho days may be numbered, and Larry decides that he will never have a normal life...ever again.
Series: Larry-oke [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717192
Kudos: 13





	Larry-oke 9: Growing Older, but not Up

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the song list for those interested;
> 
> Let’s Get it On by Marvin Gaye  
> One Way or Another by Blondie  
> Say Hey I Love You by Michael Franti  
> If I Had $1,000,000 by The Bare Naked Ladies  
> Method of Modern Love by Hall and Oates  
> Groove is in the Heart by DeeLite  
> Umbrella Rihanna  
> Good Vibrations by Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch  
> Barracuda by Heart

Larry was nearly finished setting up his equipment when he was startled by a hand slapping down on his shoulder. “Larry!”  
“Shit, Five. You’re gonna give a guy a heart attack.”  
“You need to work on your situational awareness.”  
Larry looked back at his ‘friend’ and being met with the typical blank stare, he asked, “Did you need something?”  
“I just wanted to remind you to try to put me first tonight.”  
“Right.” Larry thought back to a previous conversation that he and Five had about what Larry had dubbed Five’s new ‘mission.’ That mission seemed to be to roll through Hannigan’s bar and have as many one night stands as possible. Larry wasn’t one to judge, the women he went home with were all consenting adults, but he really wanted to tell the guy to slow down. Every time he tried, however, Five gave him a death stare and Larry went back to minding his own business. “Sure thing…top of the order!”  
“Thanks Larry.”

He watched the former (and possibly current) assassin stroll back to his family’s regular table and simply sighed and started his show.

“Ladies and gentlemen…welcome to Hannigan’s bar and this is…”   
“LARRY-OKE!!”  
“That’s right, it’s your old pal Larry, ready to spin some tunes so you can spit some lyrics. There are books at a few of the tables, but if you don’t see something you want, let me know…I may just have a surprise up my sleeve for you!” He called for Five and as the man approached the stage, Larry couldn’t help but notice that more than a few women’s ears perked up at the mention of his name.

He stepped up to the mic and straightened his tie as the music started and then he grabbed the mic and soulfully belted out “I've been really tryin', baby…Tryin' to hold back this feeling for so long. And if you feel like I feel, baby. Then, c'mon, oh, c'mon.” Larry heard the door open behind him and Five continued, “Let’s Get It On.” Suddenly Five laid eyes on the person who just entered the bar and his face fell. The song forgotten, he stood stiffly on stage as the music continued to play and his eyes followed a woman with stark white hair as she sauntered over to the bar to order a drink. Larry caught a quick glance of the rest of the Hargreeves and saw Allison physically making Luther sit back down and if Larry didn’t know any better, he’d say that Luther was ready to throw hands with this woman. Back to Five, he saw the man’s mouth turn up into a sneer and as the song wound down behind him, Larry cautiously stepped up to him. “Five?”

As if Larry had broken some kind of trance, Five’s head whipped around and looked at him. “Sorry.” He stole another glance at the woman as she took the martini that Anthony handed her, and he stalked off stage and back to his family. 

Larry looked over the crowd to find that the bar was just as confused as he was. Trying to lighten the situation he chuckled into the mic. “Damn Five, for a second there I thought Delores was back!” This got a few laughs from the crowd, but nothing was coming from the Hargreeves table except the daggers that they were sending to this woman…who was now behind Larry’s desk.   
“Hey!” He rushed over as she punched up a song like it was her job.  
“Settle down Larry. One song, then I’m gone.” When she spoke he literally got the chills. This woman gave him the heebie jeebies and he figured; anything to get her gone. He sat down on the chair and watched as she sipped her martini as the opening guitar riff shredded through the silence of the awkward bar.

When she started to sing, the awkwardness did not dissipate, instead it grew. “One way or another, I’m gonna find you, I’m gonna get-cha get-cha get-cha get-cha. One way or another I’m gonna win ya…” The entire song she never looked at the screen. Her eyes were locked in a death match with Five. When the song ended with a spattering of polite applause, she simply dropped the mic on the floor and walked off the stage right over to him. Larry couldn’t hear what was being said, but from the reactions of his siblings, he figured she asked Five to do something they did not approve of. Five then turned to them and said something which seemed to calm them down for at least the time being.

Five and the woman walked past the stage as Larry scrambled to find a fun happy song to go next. “Five, you good?” He may think the guy’s a psycho, but he’s ‘their’ psycho and he didn’t want anything bad to happen to the man. Five just looked at Larry and nodded. “Hey, make sure they have fun.” He motioned to his family and left with the woman.

Larry hit play and grabbed a mic and attempted to get the bar back in the mood by singing Say Hey I Love You by Michael Franti. With the exception of the HArgreeves, it seemed to work. He remembered what Five had said about the family having fun, so Larry called Klaus and Ben to the stage. At first, the two of them seemed confused but Allison whispered something and gave them her best ‘mom’ look, and they reluctantly trudged up and grabbed the mics. 

Ben started the song out with a halfhearted, “If I had a million dollars…”  
“If I had a million dollars,” Klaus echoed.  
“I would buy you a house.”  
“I would buy you a house.”  
“If I had a million dollars.”  
“If I had a million dollars.”  
“I’d buy you furniture for your house.”  
“Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman.” At that, the two of them finally cracked and began smiling and joked around for the rest of the song. Larry noticed that this helped the rest of the family relax.

The remainder of the night went relatively smooth. Larry cast a few glances at the door in hopes that Five would come back in one piece. He kept bringing people up and making sure that none of the Hargreeves were missed. Luther came up and did a fairly tame number, giving everything he could muster to Hall and Oates’ Method of Modern Love. Not much of a dance song but he did a good job none the less.

Vanya was up next, and it seemed like her and Allison were determined to follow what Larry found out later were Five’s wishes, to have a good time and not worry about him. She got the bar to their feet as she jammed to Groove is in the Heart by Dee Lite. Larry even caught Diego’s feet tapping and knew that everything was going to alright.

A few standard random songs later and it was Allison’s turn. She ran up to Larry and before he could push play on Umbrella she passed him a note. He hit play and read it while she did a damn fine Rhianna impression. The note read;

~~“Don’t worry about Five. That lady was his old boss. She’s a bitch and none of us trust her farther than we can throw her, but Five’s a big boy and he knows what he’s doing. He said he’d be back before the end of the night; they had some kind of deal to work out.”~~

Larry smiled and nodded at Allison as she left the stage. He was grateful that she thought to give him a heads up. Despite the fact that the psycho scared the hell out of him, he was still part of this weird family that Larry had grown to love. He looked at Klaus’ song selection and it reminded him of why he loved this family so much. He called him to the stage and the bar was ‘treated’ to Careless Whisper in the style of a walrus giving birth.

Next up was Diego. The way he stared at the woman Five left with and the way he was being extra broody the rest of the night, Larry didn’t think he’d get up at all. Finally, someone (or all of them) convinced him otherwise. He trudged up on stage followed by Allison, and Larry started the Marky Mark classic and Diego really tried to force himself to get into it. 

By the second chorus of Allison belting out “It’s just a good vibration” Diego was finally having a good time (by Diego standards). He was busting out his best popping and locking moves when the door to the bar swung open and Larry swore if it were a movie you would have heard the record scratch to a stop. 

The entire bar watched as Number Five stormed past the stage and over to his family. He stomped over to the empty seat and sat down in a huff, crossing his arms across his chest like a child throwing a tantrum. This was especially concerning as Five once again took on the appearance of a 13-year-old kid. Diego, forgetting that he was still in front of a very live microphone uttered, “holy shit.”

Allison and Diego quickly rushed over to their brother and Larry simply stood, dumbfounded. It wasn’t until Anthony called out that the house was buying a round that the bar finally started to settle down from what some thought was just a kid coming into the bar in a suit that he was swimming in, but the regulars knew was the 30 something guy who left with the creepy lady earlier.

“Uh.” Larry tried to grasp on to some semblance of normal as he blindly fished for a slip from the table behind him. “Emily.” He read and the woman thankfully bounced up on stage, knowing that singing Barracuda by Heart wasn’t going to solve the world’s problems but it would give Larry time to go see what the hell was going on.

She started to sing and as Larry approached the Hargreeves table he heard Five muttering out in broken sentences things like, “manipulative bitch,” and “some genius I turned out to be.” As Larry got close enough to join the fray one of his questions was answered as Five glared at Diego’s comment, “I guess next time you’ll think with the head that’s on top of your shoulders.”

Larry spoke before thinking. “You slept with that woman?”  
The whole group turned to him, apparently not noticing that he had approached.   
Five shrugged. “It wasn’t the first time.”  
“WHAT!?” Allison screeched as jaws dropped around the table.  
“I’m a grown man…I can sleep with whoever I please. And Delores and I were on a break.”  
Klaus put his hands in front of his mouth and gasped in mock surprise. “Does she know?”  
“Of course she does.” Five was clearly offended. “We don’t keep secrets.”. 

Larry was vaguely aware that the song being performed on stage was winding down. He considered himself to be a professional but when the tune ended, he simply stood in place, staring at this crazy family that never ceased to surprise him. As if by some strange miracle, he heard Anthony yell out for last call. It was a normalcy that seemed to bring everyone back to the present. 

Five stood up and pushed his way out of the crowd that was forming of the regulars who considered themselves friends of this strange brood. He hiked up his pants that no longer fit him and strode purposefully over to the bar. When he came back, whiskey in hand he raised it to his mouth, downed the whole glass in one chug, and gave out a world-weary sigh before addressing the crowd. “Well what can I say…que sera sera?” He turned around and left the bar, his family following quickly and the rest of the crowd slowly dissipating.

Finally, when it was only Larry and Anthony left, he started to pack up his gear. Anthony called over from where he was cleaning up a spill on the bar. “Never a dull moment, huh?”  
“Yeah,” said Larry, “never a dull moment.”

**Author's Note:**

> Did everyone enjoy season 2? I did so much that I'm working on incorporating certain characters into Larry-oke (I think we all need a Herb/Diego duet).
> 
> As always comments and suggestions are welcome!!


End file.
